Happy 2008!

Ok, yeah, embarrassing.

Allcare Dental <--- (this is so people who search Allcare will end up at my site)

Why am I always too late

to stop a swindler?

I sincerely wish that Jon and I had not patronized this business.

We went for routine cleanings,

and left with reason to contact the Better Business Bureau.

I know someday I will laugh at this,

but not today.

Okay, I did laugh a little when I reflected on one part of the experience that I cannot put into words. Okay, two parts.

Follow-Up:

For all of you interested in the details of our dental visit, I think you will find Jon's description telling and entertaining.....It is missing some key parts, like when the xray nurse did a little trail with her finger to Jon's heart indicating that if he didn't get xrays, (in a child-like voice) "it would go straight to his heart" AND when the consultation guy asked me if we had kids and then said how great they are and threw his arms up imitating young children saying "Mommy! Daddy!" Yes, I know this is hard to believe, but it happened! Maybe he was abusing the laughing gas??

Attached: Jon's Reflection/ Therapy

I also went to AllCare Drill and Fill earlier today! They saw both my wife and I and gave us a truly memorable trip to the dentist...memorable in the most negative sense of the word, as in nightmare inducing bad. 

We only went for a teeth cleaning but instead were treated to a more “thorough” plan of action since they vehemently insisted upon doing what they called a “dental examination" before hand. At first glance this seemed quite reasonable and was if anything an opportunity for my wife and I to brag about how uber-healthy our teeth are. Thus we agreed to the exam before our cleaning. 

Upon doing x-rays they quickly claimed that I had a cavity which was in serious need of drilling and used scare tactics in order to convince me of it: 1) I could die from infection 2) I would have to pay thousands of dollars later for what would only cost hundreds now (assuming I’m not already dead that is). 

Never-mind the fact that I had no pain, no sensitivity, etc, to indicate such a thing was actually true or as dire as they said, they remained highly insistent.

The real problem with this is that only 6 months prior my parent’s dentist back in my hometown (one of the few who have been honest with me) warned me about a SUPERFICIAL sign of decay on the exact tooth (and spot) they identified...saying that as long as I continued to care for my teeth (as I do) it could last many years before requiring work and that it would actually be better off left alone. 

Well I explained this to AllCare and they were insistent regardless claiming that to do nothing would mean the loss of my tooth or WORSE in the near future (like an exploding heart?)....this of course was all said to me after an extraordinarily cursory examination in which they failed to do a number of routine checks any good dentist should do. 

I reluctantly gave temporary assent to there assessment of the situation so as to prevent myself from accusing them of lying straight to their faces...a thing which I felt was prudent since I am not myself a dentist and because there remained the slight possibility that they were correct. (I made up my mind to get a second opinion because pretty much everything about this place told me that this was not going to be my dentist in the future.)

So from this point we went to see there “consultation” guy...a thuggish looking man in a small office adorned with models of teeth and dental procedures that I am sure he did not understand in the slightest. He also quickly engaged me with more scare tactics and unnecessary pressure, telling me that I should thank the dentist anytime he finds a cavity because of what it means for my health and my wallet (I would be allowed to live and for thousands less than if I waited!). Thanks!

Experience and common sense instead told me that this guy was full of it, as my wife and I both have been boldly lied to with regards to the need for drilling/filling numerous times in the past...usually forcing us to find a second opinion and a dentist we can trust (we move a lot).

We told him we would be getting a second opinion and of course he seemed bothered and then we told him that we would be canceling the teeth cleanings, which he was charging us $100 for (about $40 above what most dentists charge). We also added that would only be paying the $60.00 of examination fees, which we both knew were a rip-off considering how ridiculously short and halfhearted our exams were (we’re talking a matter of a few minutes a best and they completely failed to engage us in dialogue concerning our dental history, such as my large pirate-like gold inlays that they never even bothered to ask about!). This again visibly disturbed him, since he wasn’t making a sale that day, so he then proceeded to haggle as if we were in a cheap market stall somewhere in Mexico bargaining over curios. “For today only” he would reduce the price of cleanings to $70.00 from $100.00....we were not amused. He never seemed to grasp why this turn of events would be so disconcerting to us. 

To top this whole scenario off, he refused to give us my x-rays so that I might get a second opinion...at least not right away, they would need a week to be able to do so he claimed. This is also bogus because anytime in the past we have been able to procure them on request on the same day....but they were busy after-all so time will tell whether or not he will ever remain true to his word. Under no circumstances would I EVER go back to this place or to any one of their dozens of locations which are springing up all over the U.S. like some kind east-asian bird flu. They feed off of people’s ignorance and offer horrible customer service which borders on the criminal side of things. Avoid at all costs.       

Merry Christmas!

Our youngest guest

weighed less than our goose

Merry 1st Christmas Daniel III!

    

See, your life could always be worse:

You could be accosted by a snowman bandit

and only have birch arms to protect yourself.

In Your Face

Yes, I suppose if you were this thin lady, you

could wear this costume.

But, I'm not sure everyone at the party would like you.

Another Awkward Confession

Two months ago, Jon, my sister, and I spent our entire lunch debating whether this was an image of a goat, a sheep, or (my favorite) a kangaroo. I think the laughter was compounded by the person working there who could not tell us what it was (hello?) and another customer who treated us like we were cotton people without brains because we did not know what this animal was. This man got a good laugh when we deduced (or rather induced) that since the company was Australian (according to the employee who is now an unreliable source), then the animal must be--why yes--a kangaroo! I must say that Jon insisted all the while that it was a sheep; I admittedly got excited at the prospect that it was a kangaroo, which sounded more fun than a lousy goat or sheep.

Ultimately, the all-knowing customer told us cotton people that it was a goat, but Jon insisted that it was a sheep. I think I was still willing that it was a kangaroo.

For good measure, we should all see these images on trial:

Exhibit A:    Goat

Exhibit B: Sheep

Exhibit C:   Kangaroo

Two months later, I am still laughing about this whole thing.....

Me (looking at the Crazy Mocha "mascot"): Honey, but doesn't it look like that goat in Shrek?

Jon (in disbelief): No, Lauren, that's a donkey!

Okay, a confession many of our family and friends already know about: Jon and I are generally healthy eaters. Thankfully, all of our 'real' (j/k) family and friends have stood by our side as we have opted for whole grains and fruits and vegetables...except once a week, of course, when we go out for yummy sugary fattening food!

So, recently, a friend gave me three flavored coffee creamers--all of which intrigue me. But one stood out for its intense sweet smell. It goes without saying that it smells good, but I just had to hold it up to Jon's nose to see what he thought....

Me: So, what do you think?

Jon: Hmm....It smells like the circus.

*So okay we'll save that one for cheat day ;)

Unraveling the Scarf Mystery

Apparently there is more than one way to "tie" a scarf.
For 23 years, I have been struggling with scarves, 

always twisting them around my neck
in a haphazard (and sometimes hazardous) way. I almost decided to throw the scarf in.... 

THEN the light broke through

And--[insert long reading here]--I learned how to tie a scarf so it doesn't fall off at every move! WOW AMAZING! I NEVER KNEW!

It's like learning that there is a method to
tying your shoelaces...
or baking a squash.

Anyway, now that I am on this scarf fetish, I came across this website on how many various ways a woman can tie a scarf.....and THIS is what I found:

Hmmm..maybe, if you are at Joe's Crab Shack. Yes, this definitely could work.

Wait, isn't this considered a dress now??

WHAT the HECK is THAT?!

I should be ashamed of this post, but I'm not. I have worse stories.

Encore!

Like....

* I didn't know that Hawaii was part of the US until I was 16 yrs old and visiting one of the islands.

* I got off the plane and commented on the great desert sky (oops) and how great it was to visit another country!

* Noticed the American stop signs, which seemed curious to me

* And was then enlightened

* I thought the "L" button in the elevator meant "land" when I was 15...and I think even then I wasn't sure if it was the verb land, or the noun.

....and this is what I heard...."You mean lobby?"

Anybody have any confessions to share about things you really should have known earlier??

Come on, temper my public humiliation--it's fun and liberating.

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Maybe something happened when I was a kid that I am repressing...
But this scares me.

Jon felt left out, so I decided to find a chihuahua that reminded me of him.

This is how Jon has finished a number of my dinners, which I take as a compliment.
He does not do this in public.
Or with company.
And we are still discussing the pros and cons of doing this in front of our future kids.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am joking.
Anyone who knows Jon, knows that it is true.

I don't know why, but this reminds me of me.

Fumbalina and Prince Charming

As some of you know (especially my sister!), I am quite the klutz--or at least my husband and sister like to frame me as such.

One of my husband's endearing, yet sometimes relevant, nicknames for me is "Fumbalina"...I do drop a lot of things in the kitchen and find myself often breaking the inviolable "knife rule," which is to "Never Ever Under Any Circumstance, try to catch a knife that falls out of your hand." I don't know why, but usually the reasoning kicks in after it is too late.

Lately, Jon has been reminding me that there is ice on the ground outside because, for some reason, I just prance outside as if I lived in a rubber playground, only to be met by the slick unfriendly Ohio sidewalk, yikes! I trip, I bump, I crash, I roll, I drop, I break, I cut, I pretty much have no concept of space, grip, texture, or outcome.

For instance, in the span of a few days, I was able to drop an entire bottle of olive oil on our ceramic tile floor...AND a bottle of red wine only days after. Different occasions, same fine motor skills' deficit. Hence the plastic bottles you will now find at our house. Not to mention the plastic drinking cups, and anything else that my husband can buy to secure my "safety." We are very classy over here. Actually I feel like our place is already childproofed just because I live here!! I am too aware of the situation, however, to be embarrassed by this.

To complete this semi-long entry, tonight Jon and I were reflecting on some of the incidents that stand out from the last four years that we have been together:

(being silly)
Me: Remember when I had the surgery after the molar pregnancy?
Jon: Remember when you got food poisoning and dehydrated and went to the ER?
Jon: Remember when you cut your hand and had to get stitches?
Jon: Remember when you sprained your ankle?
Jon: Remember when you got shot out of a canon?

Umm, yeah.

Being inside a Tim Horton's is like being inside a huge food vending machine. And it tastes that way too.
But I'll still go there because I am desperate.

From the United States of Texas

Something is seriously wrong with this photo...and it's not a climate/state incompatibility

*****Now, why would a Texan ever leave TEXAS?


---I am sure most Texans would be proud if we made them get passports before visiting other states. So, let's just give 'em the pickle.

Linguistics 101

Since I like to do things in 3s, I decided to wait until I had a third to include, and now I do!

Three pieces of evidence that our current use of language is not serving us well...

1) "Father Tom married us" *scratch* You married each other; Fr. Tom witnessed and blessed and maybe went to the party.

2) "I lost my virginity" *scratch* You lose a quarter or your cell phone, you don't lose your virginity (like "oops! I lost it), you give it as a self gift to your spouse.

3) "Dr. Brown delivered my baby" *scratch* Dr. Brown was nice to show up and help out, but you were the one who delivered your baby (this is true even in a caesarean; birthing is not just a physical process, but is emotional, mental, and spiritual as well)

Any others?....

Two Confessions

I have two confessions to make--with my husband's gracious approval, of course.

First, I have heard of singing in the shower,
but not
philosophizing in the shower. (true story)


And, second, I found this "*I don't know what to call it*" the other day, read it to a friend over the phone, but was laughing so hard, it was almost impossible to get through it......

The High Order of the Peacock

-None shall be granted admission except under scrutiny of the high council
-The High Council is Jon Sorenson of the Mountain Pass
-Those granted admission by the High Council must swear an oath of: excitedness, punctuality, & good fashion sense, which thus shall fully consummate their admission and official membership in THOOTP. A certificate of peacockiness shall be administered at this time and rank granted of squire-cock & all of the rights and privileges that it entails
- Squire cocks are required to eat only vegetables
-The High Order of the Peacock hereby proclaims its sovereignty over all lands west of the Mississippi River and North of the Rio Grande, all the way to the Atlantic
-Citizens of these lands are expected to renounce US and Mexican citizenship & submit application to THOOTP immediately. Failure to do so will result in punishment by wet towel spankings to be administered by the High Council

My quotable husband..

After discussing the new movie about a golden compass, Jon was frustrated by comments (apparently ignorant ones) being made about that movie on certain websites.....

JON: "I wish I had a reality checkbook so I could pass out checks to people."

Everyone knows how cruel it is waiting 10 minutes to warm up your car
and then arriving at your destination in 12 min and
having to get out of the now warm and cozy place...

So tonight, after pulling up from the grocery store, Jon made an interesting suggestion..

"Let's live in our car; I'll cook with the cigarette lighter."