Look at that panache!

I have to say, I am very impressed with this photo of me.

If I didn't know me, I would say that I am pretty hardcore cool.

(Really, I should be in a ski magazine. No, on the cover of a ski magazine)

But, the fact is, I do know me, which means I also know how much of a ploy this pose really is.

I can substantiate this confession with three embarrassing instances that work together to eradicate any semblance of coolness or skiing competence: (can you tell I have been studying GRE vocab with my husband?)

1) When warned as I am about to enter the chair lift that my loose pant suspenders could get caught in the chair lift, I am so distracted by the thought of being tragically dragged up part of the mountain hanging onto the chair lift by my suspenders that I get my right leg caught and lose a ski (which felt like losing my right ankle too, but I didn't)! So, while I am desperately trying to tuck in my suspenders on the chair, I am also conscious of my imminent and unavoidable fall since I will have to descend the lift on one ski! I don't know, but a crash is just so much worse when you know it's going to happen in less than 2 minutes.

2) Jon thinks I am having a blast--the time of my life--when I take off darting down the mountain. In truth: a moment when helplessness is mistaken for audacity. 

.........Jon: Yeah! Go, Lauren, Go!

3) While trying to make turns down the "fawn" trail, I recognize that a super small child on super small skis has better control than I do.

So, now we see, I look cool blending in with the ski crowd, but the truth is, I ski worse than a toddler.